Every Nails Hammer Time

PREP FOR PROCEDURE

2026-03-31T11:11:39Z

Keep drinking clear liquid. Only a little way to go. Up really early after fitful sleep, cold, and braindead. It's hard to write when you haven't had anything to eat except clear liquid. I don't have to do this again for ten years, though. Unless, some other marker comes up. I have been blessedly free from surgeries and other invasive procedures in my life. Wisdom teeth, colonoscopies. Those are the only times I have been under anesthesia. Some people get surgeried like they are washing the car. It's a chore they feel compelled to do.
All of this prep is making me feel really waterlogged. I'm glad we have the means to still accomplish such things. In six hours I will be back in my house, after being transported to the clinic by my wife, who I am fortunate to have by my side. I will be there for her when she has the same procedure done in August.
Hopefully, they won't find any regrowth of the polyps they found last time. They were benign, but it's significant for us old coots, so my ten year colonoscopy timeframe is cut in half.
So tired, on top of all that, because I attended the Treefort Music Festival, a 5 day event that kept me up super late a few nights. Between the prep, and exhaustion, I am feeling it right now. I'm writing this to occupy my time, and exercise my writing muscles. I skipped the publication yesterday, because I wasn't feeling it. That is my great failing as a commercial writer, and my great fortune, as I run on inspiration. Writing like this is unusual for me, except that it's not. Everything is unusual for me. Why do it otherwise. I am compelled to do these things. And it's for me to live. That's all I can do. Until I stop.

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NOT ABOUT THE OHLYHMPIX

2026-02-19T21:38:30Z

I PUT SOMETHING UP ON MY SUBSTACK, YOU WON'T WIN
FILLED IT OUT WITH SOME NEAR AUTOMATIC WRITING INFLUENCED STREAM OF UNCONCIOUSNESS.

"You still have things to do. Deciding what to do is my challenge. Always has been. Even as I rebelled against the structure of every day life, the yoke of the job, the obligation of relationships, it provided guardrails that pushed me in a direction which I fit in all of my interests on the side. It also gave me an excuse for failure (I didn’t have time) which accounted for a graveyard of half finished projects, notebooks, interests. A convenient crutch."

Downhill Racing on YOU WONT WIN

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UP ON MY BLOG YOU WONT WIN

2026-02-04T18:20:00Z

CHECK IT OUT, IF YOU WANT? https://johnpauloneil.substack.com/p/collaborations
Together we stand, divided we fall
Come on now people, let's get on the ball and work together
Come on, come on, let's work together, now, now people
Because together we will stand
Every boy, girl, woman and man
Before when things go wrong, as they sometimes will
And the road you travel, it stays all up hill
Let's work together, come on, come on
Let's work together, alright
You know, together we will stand
Every boy, girl, woman and man
Oh, well now, two or three minutes, two or three hours
What does it matter now in this life of ours?
Let's work together, come on, come on
Let's work together, now, now people
Because together we will stand
Every boy, every woman and man
Oh, c'mon
Oh, c'mon
Let's work together now
Oh well, now, make someone happy, make someone smile
Let's all work together and make life worthwhile
Let's work together, come on, come on
Let's work together, now, now people
Because together we will stand
Every boy, girl, woman and man
Oh, yeah
Well, now together we will stand
Every boy, girl, woman and man
Oh, yeah
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Wilbert Harrison

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JUNIE GIRL IN RECOVERY

2026-02-03T04:59:42Z

My girl is doing better. She’s changed a bit, appears to have some deficits in cognition and stamina, but she’s still with us, and that is a wonderful feeling. It is a good reminder of the nature of living, and being present.
I’m indebted to those of you who have offered prayers, and healing thoughts, and divinations on our behalf. It has helped. We have felt it. And we are so grateful. The world is an indifferent place, but our community is not.
"

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MY GIRL IS STILL WITH US

2026-01-27T02:34:24Z

After a night of rest, Junie, while not herself, was at least mobile yesterday. Got up, moved ok. Went for a (short) walk around the block. Went slowly. She's resting a lot. My wife, a former bedside nurse, and a NP in critical care now, coached me up about rehabbing. Getting the patient up and moving. Keeping on the normal schedule. Walking up and down the hall. Robyn thinks she had some sort of event, like a stroke, and perhaps she has vision deficits. She spends a lot of time staring at nothing.
I have cancelled all of my activities for the week. Moved things around. I would never forgive myself if she had another event and suffered, and I wasn't there to help her.

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STANDING BY

2026-01-25T06:37:12Z

Junie Jones

Everyone who has cared for an animal knows this feeling. They teach us about mortality. The precariousness of living. Happens to us all. All of us animals are here for a short time, and then we go. It’s hard when they go first. But it’s ok, in that it’s ok to feel something. Anything.
I’ve tried to let her know that it’s ok to go, that we appreciate her service and loyalty. It’s not empty words, I’ve laid my hands on her and sent my energy into her. I hope she is not suffering. She is not herself. Best case scenario is that she slips away while she sleeps.
It’s going to be hard. No matter what.

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GET GOING

2026-01-21T06:19:15Z

I did need a sign, a real sign, not what passes for a sign, which is an advertisement.
You are content. Just a product. You are consumed with relish.
And, mustard. No pickles or ketchup

"

Almost done with another YOU WONT WIN, about being a shadow of yourself, and being glad.
I am now one of those F THEM KIDS guys,but not a IN MY DAY guys.
It’s fine to be alive right now. What else can you do.
Don’t answer. It’s not a question.
Things happen, you adapt, life continues.
It’s informed by what you think it will be.
Go look for problems. They’re out there.
Go look for solutions. They are boring.
Chaos runs amok, reigns supreme, buy the wreckage at below cost.
Gather the chits, you will live long and prosper.
My wife thought we needed a plan. I had no idea what to do today.
I usually do something, even if it’s reading.
Ordered parts. I could rule the world, but I can’t get the parts.

https://youtu.be/hZDrlD92bJQ?si=t_uklJfpRMwdQhAB

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I GOT HOT TODAY IN 32 DEGREE WEATHER

2026-01-20T06:04:28Z

That’s me in the parking lot. I spent 40 minutes in a 160 degree F sauna, for red light therapy..

I really like being warm, and saunas and steam baths are my thing. I like hot tubs and hot springs too. I was so sweaty today that my clothes got soaked driving back home.
I’m tired now, so I’m cutting this short.

I know it’s ridiculous to drive 25 minutes away to use a bunch of electricity to get warm, but it’s just what I’m doing right now. No excuse, sir.

This world is a funky dump

Outro

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THAT OLD FAMILIAR FEELING

2026-01-19T06:32:24Z

My father was born 103 years ago. I’m glad he’s not alive to see the world today, although I don’t believe he would have a problem adjusting to it. I liked my father, and he liked me. He had his ideas, and I had mine.
Watched a series my wife had started called WORKING WOMEN. It’s a Canadian show, about the travails of women returning to work after maternity leave. She related, because she did that with our second born. I related because I was not a bystander in that process. I like women’s stories, and I liked this series. I like it when characters are unlikable, as well as likable. They seem real, and human that way. I watched the last
4 shows of the 7th season, which evidently was the finale. We then went back and watched the pilot, and the second episode of the first season. They are brisk, 22 minute shows, which suits my doom scrolling ravaged attention span well. Might find my way through it all.
I dreamt about the homestead I spent my adolescence in, Sutherlin Oregon, plat b road. Before it was set on fire by the Fair Oaks Fire District (all volunteer) as a training exercise. The Aussie Colonel that Dad sold the land to was going to build a grand retirement house contracted them to do a controlled fire. In my dream I knew that was going to happen, but my sister was there doing some project with concrete walkways, and I kind of thought that she was there to dig them up, but she was there to complete the job.
I feel that the universe is calling me back, to retrace my steps, to put things in order.
I hope that I can do that.

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NO MORE ANNOUNCEMENTS

2026-01-18T06:05:11Z

I like to list things to do. I want to get up earlier, but I don’t feel like being up in the dark.
Being awake is good. But winter is time to hibernate.
I know the world is not for me. I’m fading away in public, on thee innernet.
I act a fool because I’m foolish. I never had faith.
It feels good to be free from expectations. I think a lot about my pathway, and where it leads.
I’m trying not to look people in the eyes. To live quietly.
I don’t have to represent anything but myself now. I like it.
No one has to worry about me representing them.
No pressure at all. No static.
I will soon be mercifully forgotten.

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THINKING OF ANCESTRAL LANDS

2026-01-17T05:50:47Z

I’ve been thinking about retracing steps I’ve never taken. Places I’ve never been, but are imprinted on my being. I’m going to visit my Great Great Grandfathers grave in Linden Washington, the places in Donegal County in Ireland where my mother’s people came from, Dumbarten Scotland, where my mother was born. I may try and get Irish citizenship, and an Irish passport to go live in Victoria. I don’t know at this point. I’ll probably do none of these things, and ride out the end of the US AMERICAN empire here in the mountain states.
We have 5 years before my wife retires to figure things out. I have a feeling it’s going sideways before then, but I am not as doomer mindsetted as I once was.
Got to get rid of stuff. Stuff is the mind delayer. Decayer. Destroyer.

Got some cracked corn for the birds.
Had Salmon for dinner, pasta and kale. Kale is the cleaner and restorer. 🥬

It’s cold here. Time to hibernate.

Meaningless weekend to sort through.
Boom.
RIP YVETTE PERRY. GONE TOO SOON.

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Ye olde title ramble

2026-01-16T23:55:30Z

I had some thoughts, and typed them into my tv, then emailed them out.
You can see them if you want.

https://open.substack.com/pub/johnpauloneil/p/untitled

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Dark Levt Sideways

2026-01-16T05:30:24Z

There was a wrinkle in today’s fabric. Things tasted funny. I lost my headphones. I was tired. But not sleepy. I made the worst barbecue sauce , and the second try made the second worst. The third try was edible, but too tangy. The coleslaw was too tangy, and the bread was tasteless.
But we ate, and I did the dishes.
Found my car keys. Found my headphones. Lying in bed.
Signing off.
I had more to say, but lost. It. In the 4th ear. Ears 2 3 have too much ringing.
I have done my share of failing.
It fills my soul.
I can’t even imagine anything else
And I don’t want to type on this iPad anymore
Tomorrow

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Dark And Tired

2026-01-05T06:44:55Z

But not lazy. I just choose not to comply.
I have what feels like a painters sheet covering my brain. It does not hurt, but it does muffle things.
I shouldn’t be up and writing, but I am. It’s alright. I won’t be for long.
Back to Yeats. Thank you for A Vision.
https://www.gutenberg.org/cache/epub/33338/pg33338-images.html

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New Years day Lucky Ham and Beans

2026-01-03T05:25:03Z

Used the liquid I soaked the beans in, and the broth from the Boxing Day Ham. I used ingredients I had on hand, including some very piquant Bay Leaves I found at Campos Market, a local market/Carniceria/Taqueria.
Don't throw anything away!

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FRINGE WAVES OF BRAIN BUBBLES

2025-12-26T06:03:33Z

I’m a fringe thinker. I’m not here to persuade anyone to imagine my world. I occupy the same world as everyone else. The crazy thing about that is everyone has a different perception of reality than the next person. I’m not about a religion or salvation. As the warden found out in Shawshank Redemption, salvation lies within. The rock is there forever, and time polishes it. No matter how you secure your house to keep it from washing away.

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Time To Be Renewed

2025-12-23T06:36:58Z

"

So happy the rebirth of el Sol is happening for us Northern Hemisphere denizens. The renewal begins now.

Peace to my man Will Kirkman, who has departed our dimension, and is headed elsewhere. He was a neon sign aficionado, and a funny guy who was smart, and I will miss him greatly.

I was relieved of duty to attend my wife’s company Christmas party. She told me I didn’t have to come, and that, further, I would be a convenient escape strategy. I dropped her off, and picked her up.
The party was held on the rooftop of the 26 story apartment building next door to the record store I used to work at.
I also didn’t go to one of my ex co workers Christmas party being held that night. Too many people I didn’t want to see.
Went to a sauna place to get my sweat on today. 40 minutes, 140 degrees. One water bottle consumed.

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NO OTHER POSSIBILITY

2025-12-20T05:14:43Z

Been thinking about the cultural detritus of the cloud age, and I think it’s time to do what our forefathers in the culture jamming arena did. A spanner in the works. A wooden shoe in the gears. Sabotage.

We need to fight slop with slop, but most people don’t care. We all have a sell by date anyway.

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Time To Retire

2025-12-16T04:45:28Z

I’m an old obsolete character, a wyte man in his 7th decade. My dad didn’t worry about these things like I do. I pretended a lot more than him. He did like to pontificate a bit. Had control issues, like most only children will. I was like him in that I just liked to coach, to teach, but I wanted to live by example.
I came to learn that the example I set was not what I intended. I intended to help, but some people don’t want help. They view you with suspicion, and now I do too. I welcomed the world, but that is childish. Your world is you.
Make you better. Leave ‘them’ out of it. They don’t know you. You don’t know them.
But, do you know your self? It takes a lot of work to dig in. To shut out the noise. To get up early.
It’s winter, and I’m hibernating. Wake up with the light, sleep in the dark.
Follow your path, and teach yourself the way.
Let go of the bridle.
Maybe you will learn next life.

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VISITING WITH MY GRANDPARENTS AND FATHER

2025-11-15T05:06:23Z

It happened last night in my dreams. My father was a toddler. The scene was the 1920’s, and I was asking questions of them. It was mostly my grandmother. My grandfather was referred to, always off doing something. I didn’t get answers, except my Grandmother said that her not working was her idea, because she couldn’t handle the messiness of human patients. It made sense to me.
Going to have to quiz my siblings about them.

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TOO MUCH!

2025-11-15T04:49:57Z

I have had too much. To eat. To think. Case of the punks. Yard work. Writing. It’s November. Almost halfway through the first month in three decades I am free of the Christmas retail season. It’s a relief. I am not kidding. I am surprised at how done I am. I just want to pull up some plants and get ready for winter. I need to move forward, lose weight, move more, and learn how to be original. It’s a lot of work to get people on board with your communication style.
The question is….do you really need to. I guess I do.

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Pumpkin Party

2025-10-27T04:19:16Z

Who knows what it means. Gaze at the image. Turn it on its side. Watch the line go back and forth

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CAN YOU HEAR ME JUICE

2025-10-13T05:14:55Z

I don’t love anyone. Especially myself. I have feelings for other people, indeed. I am drawn to their stories, their essence. But at my core, I don’t trust their judgement. Why would they like someone so worthless. And dry. And dead inside. But I have to keep that to myself. Because I don’t want to insult the people who care about me. I am lucky that I am so disorganized that I am unable to display my true essence, a worthless, self serving chameleon who tries to adapt himself to any situation while shielding people from his real nature. A self loathing, self centered person who trusts no one, expects the worst, and consistently misses opportunities as well as pitfalls.
Like most observations about a person, all this is not necessarily true. The view is colored by expectations, experience and fear. I have failed so often in my life, overestimated my ability, and underestimated my resilience and desire.
Why write this, why say this? To try and say the unsayable. Who needs to hear it. Besides you. I can’t tell if I believe it, or don’t believe it, and want to make the thoughts into words I can expel from my body, never to harm. But you can infect other people. Malfeasance left on surfaces in your wake.

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I ONLY HAVE MYSELF LEFT TO BLAME

2025-10-09T05:12:15Z

Published a blog post writing about scripture, lying, battling my shadow, and learning what I have to learn in the time I have left. I’m not feeling under the gun, but I am under the weather. Or, at least I’m buffeted by the weather.

My wife is on vacation right now, and it rules. We went over to our friend Sean’s tattoo shop so Robyn could get her ears pierced. We then took him to lunch at Rosa in Garden City.

After Sean went back to work we set off in search of furniture. It was fun to kick it, and go around to different places. I was present through this exercise, and after touring the Bench in Boise, we went home to relax, feed our dog and make dinner.
Just wanted to post something normal. I’ll get back to complaining later.
Beautiful day!

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LISTS OF OBSCURITY

2025-10-06T22:18:02Z

I am struggling with words right now. Broke a tooth this morning. Eating cereal! Last time I broke a tooth I was eating a meatloaf sandwich. Going to have to call the dentist, and go see them early. Approximately 3 months left on my wifes insurance, before I'm out to medicaid advantage land, provided it still exists.
Of course, I have TDS, FFS. I have not time for the spectacle, meant to distract you from examining the stripping of this country for parts. We don't know any of these people. You need to sweep your own porch.

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